SHIFT HAPPENS...Excerpt - Chapter One
Andy grabbed the phone, pounded out Richard’s number, listened and waited. After the fourth ring, the message machine picked up and told him, “Hi, this is Richard. Sorry, I can’t think of another cute answering machine message so just leave your message for me after the beep, -- blah, blah, blah -- I’m sure you’ve done this before. Thanks.”
Andy heard the beep then jumped right in. “Hello, Richard, this is Andy. I know it’s the middle of the night, but I really, really have to talk to you now so please pick up the phone. I’m going to keep talking until you do, so please pick up the phone now, okay? I’m sorry to wake you up at ... what time is it? Oh, shit! It’s 3:38, sorry. But this is important. There’s nothing wrong; I’m okay, but you’re the only one I can talk to about what just happened to me, Richard. Richard? C’mon! I’ll call back and let it ring some more if this isn’t waking you up. Richard, hello, hello-o-o-o!”
Finally he heard the click of the pickup on the other end. “All right, all right, I’m awake. What is so goddamn important?”“They tried to contact me again!”
"Yeah? Andy, what the hell are your talking about? Who tried to contact you again?
“I still don’t know exactly who they are. They haven’t told me. I asked them to tell me, but they ...”
“Wait, wait, slow down. Is this some more of your X-Files shit?”
“I’m sorry, go ahead, go ahead; I’ll shut up.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know, just go ahead and tell me what this is all about, okay?”
“Okay, so this feverish thing was starting to happen and it woke me up. I got up, got a drink of water, went to the bathroom, cooled down, went back to bed and tried to go back to sleep. I was just drifting off when I heard this knock on the door -- but it wasn’t my door -- it was a sound in my head. It was loud enough to startle me awake again, and I knew, instantly, they were knocking on the door, you know -- symbolically, metaphorically, whatever -- to get my attention. So I gave them permission, like I learned from Riegel, and I spoke out loud to them.”
“What did you say?”
“I said, ‘Come in.’”
“Okay, right, and did they?”
“So what did they say?”
“Because I don’t know if they just can’t get it right yet on their end, or if, somehow, I’m still not ready for contact. I’m trying to be open, but maybe I’m still blocking with unacknowledged or unexpress- ed fear or ... or maybe, -- and this is what really does kind of scare me, -- maybe they aren’t aligned with the Light.”
“Yeah.”
“You know how I want to be supportive of you, even with this X-Files ‘stuff,’okay?”
“Yeah, but?”
Richard exhaled a thoughtful sigh before continuing, “But it is kind of scary, Andy. I mean it’s weird scary. It’s spooky. And I’m trying to act like it doesn’t freak me out, but, you’ve got to admit ....”
“No, I don’t. You are a little ... ‘eccentric’ ....’”
“Andy interrupted him, “I like to think of it more as ‘queer,’ actually.”
“Very queer, sweetheart, and most charmingly so, I might add. No, I don’t think you’re crazy, but sometimes I wonder if you aren’t maybe ... just a little ... shall we say, ‘overly-imaginative?’”
There was a sigh of resignation on Andy’s end followed by a pause before he sincerely and humbly replied, “I’m sorry, Richard. I really shouldn’t have bothered you at this....”
“No, no, Andy, please ... !”
“No, that’s alright! I know I’m pushing it. You are very sweet to put up with this. I guess it could have waited ‘til morning after all.” “Andy? You want me to come over?”
“Aw, I don’t know. I can’t ask you to do that. I feel really stupid now.”
“Stop it. I’m coming over.”
“What for? I’m okay now, really.”
“Maybe I can make it better than okay. Would you like that? Hmm?”
“Hey, I am wide awake now, baby butt!”
“So am I, but, I’m not sure. I mean, emotionally, I’m a little shook up, and I don’t think sex is what ....”
“We can do it over the phone.”
“Richard, please! I’m serious.”
“C’mon, tell me what you’re wearing.”
“No!”
“Are you naked or are you wearing your bathrobe? You’re buck naked, aren’t you?”
“You pig!”
“Yeah, that’s right, call me names. Talk dirty to me, baby!”
“Okay, okay, that’s enough. I’m amused. I’m laughing. I’m over it. I’m fine. Really, I am.”
“Well, I’m not. I’m all hot and bothered now. May I please come over?”
“Do you know why I love you, Richard? Because you are a gentleman and an animal.”
Before Richard could provide a suitable comeback, he heard a startled Andy exclaim, “Jeesuz H. Christ!”
“Andy, what is it?” There was no response.
“Andy? Are you alright?” He waited and still nothing.
“Andy! Talk to me, goddammit!”
“Richard, I think they’re here.”
“What? Who? Are you joking?”
“M-m-m-m, love the Spielberg effects. Very nice.”
“C’mon, babe, what are you talking about? Who are you talking to?”
“They’re here all right and I guess they are aligned with the Light because it is amazingly bright in here.”
“Andy, don’t kid me; don’t play around with this, okay?”
He heard Andy say, with a strangely dreamy and unintentionally dismissive tone, “Richard, sweetheart, I really have to go now.”
And then the telephone went dead. Completely dead. He frantically banged the disconnect button until he got a dial tone. He tried to call back and got a busy signal. He hung up and tried again and again, always getting a busy signal. It was a waste of time. He yanked on some clothes and was out the door in two minutes…
FROM THE AUTHOR...
Shift Happens is Jerry Boyd’s first novel. It started as a short story in a writing class back in San Francisco in 1995. He took the best literary advice and chose to ‘write what he knew’. However he denies ever being aboard a UFO. He knows as a writer he is merely a dilettante. This doesn’t bother him. He only wanted to tell an entertaining tale from a metaphysical perspective. He lives in his home state of Indiana where he is unlawfully married to a man and happier than he’s ever been in his life.
Also available for Amazon KINDLE
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NOW UNDER CONSTRUCTION...
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Marooned on Margo was to be the title of Jerry Thomas Boyd's first attempt at writing a novel. A satire of our own earthbound prejudices and what it feels like to be an alien outsider, it followed the story of a young, gay Earthling who was kidnapped and taken to the planet Margo to be the pet of a an evil Margonaut. After several years of extensively imagining the plot, the characters and the setting, Jerry abandoned the project.
Now in this book he is presenting this background work including geophysical and geopolitical maps, details on languages and popular culture, cartoon drawings, collages, the explanatory section “A Traveler’s Guide to Margo,” and a short Margo story with cameo appearances by some of the characters intended to have had major roles in the novel. Indeed, you will find out ‘everything we know’ about the planet as seen through the eyes of someone who was marooned on Margo and returned to tell the tale.